Vengeance is a narcissistic act of retaliation against someone who the victim feels has done him/her wrong. What is wrong is relative to what is accepted by society and between the individual and their God. Justice, on the other hand, is both the law created by man and conscience. When justice can not be served by turning to authority or law (in my case because there are no facts leading to the source of the vengeance), the conscience remains as to what justice is. When this moral conscience breaks down, the narcissistic part of the brain can take over and begin a subconscious desire for retaliation or vengeance in hopes of finding a balance and ending a problem. If vengeance is still not an option to the victim's conscience, but the victim continues to be victimized (in my case with no proof leading to the cause), this can cause the victim serious mental problems and alienation from society.
Thanks to many people and spirit helpers, I have survived. I understand nothingness now, which I learned from a sacred stone given to me by a great Buddhist Shaman, who spoke without words, and who knew the sacred stone belonged to me. I love this Shaman with all my heart. I knew the Sacred Stone was "Nothingness" when I held it. And then, I became the face of the Sacred Stone as I was walking home the day after I received the stone. I knew that I was the Sacred Stone as the Sacred Stone was me when I was nothingness. I also learned "God's" gifts to man in balance with brain and spirit from Sacred Stones that called to me. There were the Sacred Stones from the Native American Priest Craft Traditions: the Wotai (Lakota), the Teneh (Apache). There were the Mongolian Sacred Stones and Tibetan Sacred Stones that called to me. It was a Buddhist healer who told me why I was being called to learn "God's" gifts to man in balance with brain and spirit. I came to agree with his conclusion that the "Webmob" can never win because they do not have "God's" gifts to man in balance with brain and spirit. Thus there is no need to fear the darkness. Fear is counterproductive and becomes narcissistic by nature.
For many many years before my awareness of my spiritual experiences, I was desparately trying to make sense of both my Fight or Flight experiences with imminent danger and that strange energy that caused terror and the heart to race (see mortstare). I felt lonely and sometimes even alienated from my family and society. I could not speak Truth because I had no facts. Slowly, I began to experience a regression of my overwhelmed mind. I was trying to make sense of my experiences and I, without knowing it consciously, was trying to get a grasp of what was going on in order to attempt to control the growing paranoia and to attempt to bring it down to size, all in order to survive mentally. I am fine now, thank "God" literally.
Thanks to many people and spirit helpers, I have survived. I understand nothingness now, which I learned from a sacred stone given to me by a great Buddhist Shaman, who spoke without words, and who knew the sacred stone belonged to me. I love this Shaman with all my heart. I knew the Sacred Stone was "Nothingness" when I held it. And then, I became the face of the Sacred Stone as I was walking home the day after I received the stone. I knew that I was the Sacred Stone as the Sacred Stone was me when I was nothingness. I also learned "God's" gifts to man in balance with brain and spirit from Sacred Stones that called to me. There were the Sacred Stones from the Native American Priest Craft Traditions: the Wotai (Lakota), the Teneh (Apache). There were the Mongolian Sacred Stones and Tibetan Sacred Stones that called to me. It was a Buddhist healer who told me why I was being called to learn "God's" gifts to man in balance with brain and spirit. I came to agree with his conclusion that the "Webmob" can never win because they do not have "God's" gifts to man in balance with brain and spirit. Thus there is no need to fear the darkness. Fear is counterproductive and becomes narcissistic by nature.
For many many years before my awareness of my spiritual experiences, I was desparately trying to make sense of both my Fight or Flight experiences with imminent danger and that strange energy that caused terror and the heart to race (see mortstare). I felt lonely and sometimes even alienated from my family and society. I could not speak Truth because I had no facts. Slowly, I began to experience a regression of my overwhelmed mind. I was trying to make sense of my experiences and I, without knowing it consciously, was trying to get a grasp of what was going on in order to attempt to control the growing paranoia and to attempt to bring it down to size, all in order to survive mentally. I am fine now, thank "God" literally.
I also had a growing need to find refuge, to escape from the allienation which I felt from society. At that time I needed someone, anyone, who could believe what I experienced as my reality and not deem me as crazy. I now understand that this period was a frantic attempt to pull myself out of desperation and survive. Of course I saw psychiatrists who tried a variety of medicines; and I saw a very good therapist who I talked to for years, and whom I developed a trust and a bond with. The medicines, however, did not stop the events which gave me that sense of imminent danger. Ultimately, Xanax, proved to be the best medicine for me. And over time, I am relieved to say, that I learned to take Xanax not to escape the horror I was experiencing, but only to temporarily shut my brain down after it goes into panic. And, as the years passed, I learned that writing, creating the diagrams I, II and IV and, when needed, imagining I was talking to my therapist, along with my occasional need for Xanox was effective enough for me. I could have a funtional home life. I stopped seeing my therapist because, ultimately, I wanted someone who could help the problem regarding what I believed to be the Real Estate Mafia. During the time I was overwhelmed, I believed I would not have mentally survived without my therapist. But many years have past and I now. I also believe I am now better off, attempting to, but not expecting to, convince society that my situation might be true. It makes sense to me that I am a messenger.
Luckily I am not suicidal but early on, while experiencing a desire to retreat from society, I sensed this escape from society would have left me only a body, void of personality-- void of speech, void of the brain as we know it, permanently. Somehow I knew that if I left society this way that it was a one way street. There would be no coming back for me once I left. I chose to keep hope for society, but learned not to expect and not to retreat. However, I did, at last, get over this stage.
Then, as my helplessness and desperation continued over years with no official that I could turn to who could help, I experienced a bewildering two-faced affect; beginning with questioning my beliefs regarding whose side I should be on in order to survive and protect my family. I would say to myself, "Maybe I could sacrifice myself by offering my allegiance and working for the Webmob Real Estate Mafia. I could save my family, my life or at least further torture." On and off during the same period I would say to myself, "What is happening to me? I am a patriot, how could I consider becoming a trader by offering myself to the Anti-American Real Estate mafia enemy?" Yet, it seemed I had no government, no one to turn to for security and safety regarding my beliefs and conclusions (which is not the fault of the FBI or Homeland Security or police officials because the nature of the Webmob is to leave no proof to the source of the Real Estate mafia, thus my conclusions never had merit).
Over time I learned to make the events of post trauma less and less common by keeping curfews and elliminating my patterns. In my experience and belief, unless I begin an obvious pattern, or job which regards going out at night, I will be safe at night, as I am early in the morning. It is almost as though this mafia has day working hours-- once the storefronts are closed and the day businesses are closed, for some reason, I no longer experience the events of imminent danger. I can now feel a degree of freedom; I figured out how to force a degree of freedom in order to feel safe. I do exercise caution in certain areas but have not yet experienced paranoia at those hours. I take precautions by altering my hours and life in order to prevent the experiences of imminent danger that lead to post trauma, even when I do not have a feeling that something is trying to happen. I do this for my brain. When I have a doctor or dental appointment, or go to a movie, I now try not to leave patterns regarding the streets I walk down, what day and time I leave wherever, and what I wear; I sometimes even prepare an extra change of my look if I feel a need to elliminate fear (which may or may not be used and needed in a Fight or Flight Instinct).
Over time I learned to make the events of post trauma less and less common by keeping curfews and elliminating my patterns. In my experience and belief, unless I begin an obvious pattern, or job which regards going out at night, I will be safe at night, as I am early in the morning. It is almost as though this mafia has day working hours-- once the storefronts are closed and the day businesses are closed, for some reason, I no longer experience the events of imminent danger. I can now feel a degree of freedom; I figured out how to force a degree of freedom in order to feel safe. I do exercise caution in certain areas but have not yet experienced paranoia at those hours. I take precautions by altering my hours and life in order to prevent the experiences of imminent danger that lead to post trauma, even when I do not have a feeling that something is trying to happen. I do this for my brain. When I have a doctor or dental appointment, or go to a movie, I now try not to leave patterns regarding the streets I walk down, what day and time I leave wherever, and what I wear; I sometimes even prepare an extra change of my look if I feel a need to elliminate fear (which may or may not be used and needed in a Fight or Flight Instinct).
I anticipate the next possible actions of the Webmob because in my experience, they are like a virus, they modify themselves to each new development. I am now consciously aware of who calls me or who I call before I go to an appointment because I believe the Webmob somehow gets the numbers called and received (not what is said on cell phones) and this information can lead to patterns of where I will be, which can then lead the Webmob to attempt to create set ups which are intended to lead in my death. After many experiences with pictures taken of me on the street where I frequented over the years (combined with a creepy sense of ill intent regarding the situation), I now am cautious regarding the fact that certain bags or clothes can indicate where I am going or be easy to describe or help a Webmob member, who does not know me, locate me. I have learned to work around these problems.
The Webmob knows which bank branch I frequent-- so I do not frequent any one branch. I don't have to understand why or what the Webmob specifically intends, I simply have to sense a danger to feel a subsequent need to modify myself and protect myself. I quit working out at my health club because I was experiencing far too many mortstares (see mortstare) as well as I expereienced those occasional feelings, over many years, of horrifying imminent danger which were followed by subsequent Fight or Flight Instinct reactions muddled with and or assisted by the interference of my thought process. I learned that man's best weapon is the brain; attempt to outsmart the assallent. When I sense a danger one of my persistant experiences is a confused look on my face with thoughts going through my brain, "Why am I doing this? What is going on?" I have learned to go into this feeling instead of going into fear and panic. This is when I believe my brain comes into play in order to assist the Fight or Flight Instinct. It is after I survive that my guard goes down and my brain feel violated and horrified at the experience.
I also believe that certain information downloaded from the computer, e-mails and or computer history is intercepted by the Webmob computer specialists and the Webmob can determine which mail delivery service will be delivering something in order to create a variety of set ups in a variety of ways. Believe me, the thought of joining forces with this highly successful criminal society entered my mind, more than once. What if the Webmob spreads throughout America and is never brought under control? Must I modify myself? Ultimately I learned I was not capable of following through with this two faced syndrome. This is partially due to the fact that I believe that joining the Webmob is not an option for me. I could never establish I reciprical trust factor with the Webmob. The Webmob Real Estate Godfathers are not in touch with the core or center of their beings; they know only narcissistic power, control and fear. The Godfathers do not know the spirit or that pure energy uncontroled by the brain. The nature of their vengeance includes an omnipotent need to rule with fear and to prove their power. They have a need to tie up all the loose ends of unfinished business. I believe that I am but one of those loose ends. Once on the list of targeted victims to die, I believe one is always on the list of targeted victims to die. This is my predicament. And the reverse is the predicument of the Webmob Godfathers. One of their services to pull in allies is the Webmob Control by Terror Service. They offer this service yet the Godfathers have not followed through with tieing up the loose ends of their business. Furthermore, I believe that many of these allies have been ordered to help in the Webmob Real Estate Godfathers' set ups to harm/kill me. But after all the years of planning and with the continuing on and off attempts to order the execution of their set ups against me, the Webmob Real Estate Godfathers have yet to succeed. I believe, that simply through my survival, I emasculate the Godfathers in front of their many members and allies. In the mind of the Godfathers, maybe I have deemed them powerless until they succeed. Though, I do not know this is actually true, it makes sense to me because I have yet to experience a year without events where I sense that unexplainable imminent danger. The good news is that set ups against me are not frequent, probably due to the fact that planning and time would be involved and different members each time. In my experience, a Webmob member ordered to follow me or to be a part of the actual set up against me will not be used again after I have confronted that member in any way that extablishes that I know who he is (this does not include the strategist bosses or spies who will assist the set ups over and over again).
Regarding my current mental state, once I came to see the whole picture as diagrams I, II and IV show, my brain was no longer desparately going all over the place and wondering what was going on and where was the end and if this why not this? This tremendous mental burden, this huge, overwhelming scope of uncertainly, this horrifying paranoia which I now believe is intentionally caused by the Webmob with the intent to cause insanity, finally became controlled and isolated! I began to realize that I was going to mentally survive. I continue to remain cautious during certain hours and regarding specific events but I certainly do not feel and never did feel someone is constantly stalking me. And after the events where I sense I am being followed and subsequently take action to stop the follower from following me (which I believe is intended to lead to a set up which is intended to lead to my death), I feel completely relieved and free regarding further fear of being followed on that day. I do mentally prepare (and protect) my brain for the number of followers to one day increase but have not yet experienced this. My brain, however, continues to feel helpless and horrified and confused and this post trauma, after what I experience to be imminent danger, can last a night to weeks before I rid the feeling of being violated from my brain (though Xanox works perfectly for me, I prefer to attempt to learn how to deal with the trauma without it). I can say that the length of time it takes my brain to heal has significantly shortened over the years. I can also say that there are times I can get by with half the amount of Xanox and sometimes there are times I no longer need it. There is no question that I am getting stronger, though I have a long way to go to totally control my post trauma feelings of violation and panic after the events where I experience imminent danger.
Now, having experienced this whole sequence of events, the end result has lead me to the core of my conscience: I am not God; I have no control what happens to another human being; I can not be a part of vengeance which could destroy someone's health or life. I am, however, also a mystical person with many mystical experiences. I do not believe I am a witch, and have no religion of the sort. But if my many mystical expereinces mean I am a witch void of study or religion and do not know it, then I am a witch of pure white light who can not use the dark side, which I perceive is vengence of the brain. I must follow the light. All I sense if that my conscience wins-- or is it part the calling of the spirit or that energy beyond the brain? I have decided that whether I survive my beliefs of being a targeted victim of what I call the Anti-American Real Estate Godfathers' Webmob Masquerade Mafia, or not, I can at least be in touch with the core, that center within me that is bigger than the body and the brain put together. Suffering (the body) becomes irrelevant next to the need to follow a higher and greater calling-- the spirit or energy beyond the brain's perception (though of course I would have moved to another country long ago if it was an option, which it is not). Because I perceive the body and brain as separate from the spirit, or energy beyond the brain, I understand the rituals that I believe void the body or use sacrifice or human blood or mutilation of the body to prove this separation. I do not feel that it would be difficult to do these things in the state of mind where I am separate from the awareness of my brain. But I feel no need or desire to prove this state of being or to harm or mutilate myself. I simply accept it. However this ritual involving varying tests of the strength of man's mind or what I believe to be the voiding of the brain is accepted by many cultures and tribes. It is possible that I need to study this centering more in order to rid my post traumas once and for all.
My plan is learn to let go of the brain, to believe in and to totally, blindly, trust in the calling of the spirit or energy of Individual Truth in order to void my post trauma after the events where I sense imminent danger. This is difficult for my brain. For now, I can, however, at least live with dignity, in relative peace or die in relative peace with my conscience and my spirit, or energy beyone thte brain-- and, to me, this is a powerful choice; though many societies might call this a worthy sacrifice.
(For the Real Estate Godfathers' Webmob Masquerade Mafia, see diagrams I, II and IV at: http://apartmentsstrangehappenings.blogspot.com/) Copr. 2008, DRT All rights reserved.
Regarding my current mental state, once I came to see the whole picture as diagrams I, II and IV show, my brain was no longer desparately going all over the place and wondering what was going on and where was the end and if this why not this? This tremendous mental burden, this huge, overwhelming scope of uncertainly, this horrifying paranoia which I now believe is intentionally caused by the Webmob with the intent to cause insanity, finally became controlled and isolated! I began to realize that I was going to mentally survive. I continue to remain cautious during certain hours and regarding specific events but I certainly do not feel and never did feel someone is constantly stalking me. And after the events where I sense I am being followed and subsequently take action to stop the follower from following me (which I believe is intended to lead to a set up which is intended to lead to my death), I feel completely relieved and free regarding further fear of being followed on that day. I do mentally prepare (and protect) my brain for the number of followers to one day increase but have not yet experienced this. My brain, however, continues to feel helpless and horrified and confused and this post trauma, after what I experience to be imminent danger, can last a night to weeks before I rid the feeling of being violated from my brain (though Xanox works perfectly for me, I prefer to attempt to learn how to deal with the trauma without it). I can say that the length of time it takes my brain to heal has significantly shortened over the years. I can also say that there are times I can get by with half the amount of Xanox and sometimes there are times I no longer need it. There is no question that I am getting stronger, though I have a long way to go to totally control my post trauma feelings of violation and panic after the events where I experience imminent danger.
Now, having experienced this whole sequence of events, the end result has lead me to the core of my conscience: I am not God; I have no control what happens to another human being; I can not be a part of vengeance which could destroy someone's health or life. I am, however, also a mystical person with many mystical experiences. I do not believe I am a witch, and have no religion of the sort. But if my many mystical expereinces mean I am a witch void of study or religion and do not know it, then I am a witch of pure white light who can not use the dark side, which I perceive is vengence of the brain. I must follow the light. All I sense if that my conscience wins-- or is it part the calling of the spirit or that energy beyond the brain? I have decided that whether I survive my beliefs of being a targeted victim of what I call the Anti-American Real Estate Godfathers' Webmob Masquerade Mafia, or not, I can at least be in touch with the core, that center within me that is bigger than the body and the brain put together. Suffering (the body) becomes irrelevant next to the need to follow a higher and greater calling-- the spirit or energy beyond the brain's perception (though of course I would have moved to another country long ago if it was an option, which it is not). Because I perceive the body and brain as separate from the spirit, or energy beyond the brain, I understand the rituals that I believe void the body or use sacrifice or human blood or mutilation of the body to prove this separation. I do not feel that it would be difficult to do these things in the state of mind where I am separate from the awareness of my brain. But I feel no need or desire to prove this state of being or to harm or mutilate myself. I simply accept it. However this ritual involving varying tests of the strength of man's mind or what I believe to be the voiding of the brain is accepted by many cultures and tribes. It is possible that I need to study this centering more in order to rid my post traumas once and for all.
My plan is learn to let go of the brain, to believe in and to totally, blindly, trust in the calling of the spirit or energy of Individual Truth in order to void my post trauma after the events where I sense imminent danger. This is difficult for my brain. For now, I can, however, at least live with dignity, in relative peace or die in relative peace with my conscience and my spirit, or energy beyone thte brain-- and, to me, this is a powerful choice; though many societies might call this a worthy sacrifice.
(For the Real Estate Godfathers' Webmob Masquerade Mafia, see diagrams I, II and IV at: http://apartmentsstrangehappenings.blogspot.com/) Copr. 2008, DRT All rights reserved.
